Fill 'em up!

I have told you before of how much I hated filling up forms, especially when it contains questions that leave you choosing between a mere yes or no. I hated it so much that I am now on my last day of filling it up and pressing the "informing the firm" before it hits the deadline. (That and maybe I am still ambivalent bout this immigrating thing. heehee). I also hate it so much that yes, I took a day off from work just so I could focus on this thing. Talk about pet peeves and all!

As I got to the part of filling the Client Intake Sheet for Nurses, that's when I started to crack up because of the ultimate absurdities I have to answer. If only I was THAT crazy, I'd be screwing this thing big time! Below are the following questions that unfortunately, someone as "pilosopo" as me have to answer:

Have you ever, in or outside the U.S. Knowingly committed any crime of moral turpitude or a drug-related offense for which you have not been arrested? - gee... I'm so sorry... Am no politician's daughter. Does getting away with traffic offences count? I am nearly perfecting my "please don't give me a ticket" pout already e.

Have you ever, in or outside the U.S. been arrested, cited, charged, indicted, fined, or imprisoned for breaking or violating any law or ordinance, excluding traffic violations? - no. I wish I was Paris Hilton, but I'm just too darn fat to pull it off.

Have you ever, in or outside the U.S. Been the beneficiary of a pardon, amnesty, rehabilitation decree, other act of clemency or similar action? - nearly. Will run to the hills and join them NPA dudes just for kicks.

Have you ever Within the past 10 years been a prostitute or procured anyone for prostitution, or intend to engage in such activities in the future? - hmmm... tempting! I once became a wife, the most expensive form of prostitution - does this count? And I'm planning to be a world class pimp too! How 'bout that?

Have you ever Engaged in any unlawful commercialized vice, including, but not limited to, illegal gambling? - Is this a trick question? I'm going to Vegas! Where all vices are legal! It's like asking me "Are you fun enough for Vegas?". How 'bout making fun of posers?

Have you ever Knowingly encouraged, induced, assisted, abetted or aided any alien to try to enter the U.S. illegally? - This is supposed to be one top secret, but... remember Roswell?
Have you ever Illicitly trafficked in any controlled substance, or knowingly assisted, abetted or colluded in the illicit trafficking of any controlled substance? - Imagined it a couple of times. Aaaahhh.... The druglord life!

Have you ever engaged in, conspired to engage in, or do you intend to engage in, or have you ever solicited membership or funds for, or have you through any means ever assisted or provided any type of material support to, any person or organization that has ever engaged or conspired to engage, in sabotage, kidnapping, political assassination, hijacking, or any other form of terrorist activity? - I only terrorize students who are on the brink of getting a 5.0 from me.

Do you intend to engage in the U.S. in espionage? - Knowing my being a James Bond fan, yes I would in my fantasy world. Would be so nice to utter lines like "I'm Onatopp, Xenia Onatopp" and smother enemies using my big, fat legs.

Do you intend to engage in the U.S. in the U.S. in any activity a purpose of which is opposition to, or the control or overthrow of, the Government of the United States, by force, violence or other unlawful means? - I'm a Filipino, right? Filipinos are notorious for wanting to overthrow every administration by force.

Have you ever been a member of, or in any way affiliated with, the Communist Party or any other totalitarian party? - umm... no. How about some Rave party?

Did you, during the period March 23, 1933 to May 8, 1945, in association with either the Nazi Government of Germany or any organization or government associated or allied with the Nazi Government of Germany, ever order, incite, assist or otherwise participate in the persecution of any person because of race, religion, national origin or political opinion? - WTF???

Have you ever engaged in genocide, or otherwise ordered, incited, assisted or otherwise participated in the killing of any person because of race, religion, nationality, ethnic origin, or political opinion? - Yes I have! *sobbing* I'm so sorry to those ants cohabitating with me on my bathroom sink!

Are you under a final order of civil penalty for violating section 274C of the Immigration Act for use of fraudulent documents or have you, by fraud or willful misrepresentation of a material fact, ever sought to procure, or procured, a visa, other documentation, entry into the U.S., or any other immigration benefit? - Lemme check... my passport says "Charlize Theron". Oooops!

Have you ever left the U.S. to avoid being drafted into the U.S. Armed Forces? - If only they asked about the things I've done to escape CAT!

Do you plan to practice polygamy in the U.S.? - I am not a bombshell actress. I don't even intend to get married again anytime soon (unless...)! This is funny! Who would ever want to have more than one pain-in -the-ass husband? Think about it... divorce costs, the emotional trauma, the hassle of filling up multiple forms such as this, having more than two wedding dresses, yada...yada... Ok, so I'm bitter, but polygamy just won't do. Can men, like, say "Marry me" when they really mean it? Ask me again if we're talking about Joaquin Phoenix, Brandon Routh, and John Travolta... I just might reconsider.

Have you, or your spouse or children been convicted of a felony? - How about the potential to become one. heehee.



Of course, I had to restrain myself and answer it with all sincere and unfortunately BORING honesty.




NO.

Beeyotch!

Today was bitchy day. 'Nuff said.

...

...Ok, today was bitchy day because it's been so long since I've last been bitchy. I deserve to be bitchy, and I miss being bitchy ! I need my bitch partner and was yearning for his presence the whole day. I can't wait till this Saturday which is as of now scheduled to be our bitching day.

It started because it was my third day suffering from the curse of Eve (believe me, with women? being on their period is ENOUGH reason to be bitchy). I was hoping that things would get better by the afternoon but my bitchiness kinda hit it's peak after sending a student out of my classroom in the middle of my lecture (I soooo hate cellphones inside my class, especially if the message alert tone is "Beautiful Girls" or "Papaya"). Counting from one to ten after that, I already thought I have already mastered the art of anger management when the discovery that my students failed to research on something I told them to disrupted me from reaching my place of Zen. That, my friends, resulted in a 30 minute sermon of how they should be more responsible and all statements that made me sound like my mother (love you, mum!). It is because I always had this feeling that ever since I started to embrace the wacky world of teaching, I will always have something to do when the time comes that they begin to poke patients for the rest of their lives. And when God forbid anyone of them screws up, I will blame myself for not being too bitchy enough to give them the bitchiness required when they needed it the most.

The day passed by with me still being a hag but mellowed down when I had to talk to one of my student's mom into considering the idea of having her child shift to another course. I really hate it when I do that, but the job calls for it. It's one of those "principle" things that you have to stand for even if that means being, well, a bitch.

So off the afternoon went, with me receiving lots (and I mean LOTS of chocolates and an engraved keychain from some students), which made me even more cranky realizing that chocolates (especially Lindt and Ghirardelli's) are something I can't resist and will form into something that will constantly remind me of my weakness as that thing called flabs. Why the hell can't I just eat them chocos and still be reed thin like Paris Hilton? Damn you Cosmo! Damn you!

Going home, my bitch-o-meter finally reached it's lowest at this day. I was drained. It's like anger sucked the energy out of me and that glass of red wine just validated it.

Crazy friend called me up and asked me to check my mail because of something he sent. That's when I realized that it was already days since I last saw my inbox. Armed with my virus infested laptop and a lousy service provider, I visited Gmail after a long while and got, among many messages, a series of pics, Friendster notices and an email from the immig lawyer.

"pare, gandang chick nun a!"

"Are you slashing your wrist, miss?"

Just in case you might be wondering why I am always off center, it is because I am just an extra to the whole thing. See, this was one of crazy friend's series of architectural designs that needed to get caught on cam so I just lent support by gracing them pics! Hehehehehe....

...OK, and darn proud too. There! :P.

Next mail I opened was this one from Littler Mendelson P.C. that brought the headache back all over again. Who wouldn't when it requires you to do these?:

1. Complete the G28 Questionnaire

2. Complete the I-140 Questionnaire

3. Complete the 750B Questionnaire

4. Complete the 9089 Questionnaire

5. Gather all requisite documents and send me a copy of each if you have not already forwarded them to DaVita.

Everybody who really knows me know that one of the things I hate most was filling up forms! I just can't stand the monotony of writing stuff about you know by heart but somehow tend to forget. This is one of the reasons why I sometimes love having obedient students around. I remembered every freaking start of enrollment or obtaining public documents where you have to write things repeatedly in your ugliest handwriting. It's like that opening sequence in every "The Simpsons" episode where Bart is punished by writing "I will not (insert wacky act here)..." on the board over and over again! It also irks me that there are those very simple questions that require very simple answers but you tend to think too much so you debate on what you have just put in.

Example:

SEX: ____

hmm.... male or female? whenever I'm horny? none at all? the answer to 3+3 in a Visayan accent? damn too hard to answer...

That is why by 11 pm, I took a breather and blogged instead.

I am such a bitch.

Never Been Kissed... rehashed

Thinking of what transpired during the past few days and the upcoming high school graduation of my youngest sister Harriet, I have been reminded of that movie "Never Been Kissed" that starred perky and crazy Drew Barrymore who played Josie Geller, a meek and mild sub-editor promoted to reporter at the Chicago Sun-Times who’s never had a serious relationship. Her first assignment is to go undercover as a pupil at a local high school, because the editor thinks Josie will get a story on what today’s teenagers are really like. What he doesn’t know is that, for Josie, high school was an excruciating nightmare that she still hasn’t recovered from. The director of that flick made a remarkable statement regarding the movie that made me agree in a way.

"I think everyone has had some kind of school experience that they wish they could do over or wish they could do better. There’s something about those years that sears them onto your psyche, so the chance to go back and do them again is something I think everyone has fantasised about. High school’s such an interesting place because you’re trying to figure out what kind of person you want to be and it’s definitely the swan theory. I think even popular kids felt awkward inside, and there were nights where you sat home and you watched every car drive by hoping that one would pull into your driveway - and it never did. Or you’re talking to someone you’re in love with and you go to the bathroom and you see that you’ve got a giant booger hanging from your nose - there’s great humour to be had in that. I thought it was interesting to break it down and get into the pain and humour of the fact that your exterior doesn’t count as much as we’re made to think it does."

Looking back, I really was a nobody in high school. At some point, many of those memories from high school were those I would gladly tuck away in the deepest portion of my temporal lobe. I was considered uncool, uncouth, ugly, undesirable, and all things un... most probably the reason why I didn't get to enjoy my high school life to it's fullest. Not that I'm being too negative about it, I mean, some of the best people I know now were the people I met during those hormone storm days.

Fast forward to 2008... almost ten years later, high school is again haunting me back.

Aside from the usual tuksuan, slumbook trip, and cliques, there were statements and acronyms that had it's heydey during those four years inside a pseudopsychiatric facility that, if used at the age I am in now, will make you look soooo..... high school. Behold! Behold! It is making it's way back into my word list right now. Sample?

ITALY (I trust and love you)

JAPAN (just always pray at night)

MTM (many to mention)

ABC (always be careful)

XYZ (xee you zoon!)

HOLLAND (hope our love lasts and never die)

all of these were derived from a fellow instructor/architect/rockstar/Lou Veloso wannabe friend's immense vocabulary of high school words that includes new entries such as MTB (meant to be), Mary, and Kathy (ask him to define those, it's way too mean kasi). It may make you cringe, but it'll make you smile and sigh afterwards.

With the high school glossary making it's return, it is also accompanied by the feelings you first felt way back secondary school. That includes the queasy feeling at a blah day at work, toxic feeling during deadlines, the natural high of laugh tripping from making fun of yourselves and other people, guilty feeling when playing hooky like a teenager, and other things bright and shiny. :D Aaaaaahhhh.... that old high school feeling! Seems all so new to me now.

I don't miss high school, but with all the new but old style moments and scenes that are going through my life right now, I kinda wonder how it would be like if I go back in time and be a high school student again. Maybe it would've been better at my state now since:

a. I look way better than what I did before. (there's this certain age where your pimples just get tired of pestering your face so they travel on to plague new faces... like your sister's!)

b. I am wiser (thanks to the bitches, bastards, and baggages of the past!)

c. I am cooler (thanks to cringe worthy moments of humiliation that made me change everything - from wardrobe to outlook)

d. I am more self indulging now and less guilt laden (but this one comes with the age, the diploma, the salary, and the fact that your parents would now ask you to get a life because they've realized that you've spent most of yours in front of a pc or a book)

e. I now think before I act (Which is as of the moment debatable. There are moments in your life where you think that it would be better to give in and go with the flow. Odds be damned. Do what your heart desires if it will make you happy. Then again... reality and logic molded by past hurts and mistakes set in).

Still, I will never go back. I am already over and done with the mental torture. Going back would be like a relapse or some nosocomial infection. Good thing the feelings and experiences can be felt again sans the actual situation. Let the fantasy be a fantasy. Just incorporate the kicks you get from that fantasy into what you have now.

Everything is so high school nowadays... and this time for sure, I am enjoying it.

Now, better start the plan on crashing in on one of them upcoming proms with a friend who, like me, has never experienced going to one! Hahahaha!

Say "Hello"....

Sunday has become sort of Glorietta day with shopping buddy Jake. As I was buying my favorite Supreme Mix (pecan, walnuts, almonds, cashw nuts) at the House of Nuts, this certain stand of Xmas carol playing mutts caught my eye. Found them cute that I tried to record it on my celphone. Too bad I'm running out of memory (yeah, yeah.... you cam whore, you!!!!), so there was no other recourse but to have Jake's picture taken instead:

okaaayy.... so the pic looks blurry and amateurish, but I'm sure that if you look closely, you're going to see these three characters (sans Jake... he's too much of a serious dude to do what these mutts do. in short: he does not qualify to be a member of THE Band.) bobbing their mechanical heads to the tune of Jingle Bell Rock. That goes with mechanical foot action too! Kinda funny that it's still JIngle Bell Rock a month too late, but since this is the Philippines, I know we make excuses to extend the holiday season.

Walking along the long stretch of Glorietta, we were also kinda amused by how majority of these stores display this sign:

50% off on all Christmas decors

...Now who in his fucking right mind would put up a Christmas tree on January?!? We just had our tree (which is by the way in a classy rust color motif courtesy of me), taken down the other day and is now taken to the stock room for it's hibernation till November this year so definitely it wouldn't be me. But man!!!! Even if they sell it to me at 75% off, I still wouldn't consider. That would make THIS year's Christmas tree look soooo LAST year.

Wanna see how last year's tree looks like?

trust me... it's definitely much taller than I am

of course, what's under the tree also matters! GIFTIES!!!!

**************************************************

It was my Lola's birthday too yesterday so I decided to make a quick stop at her party. It was the usual... videoke, ballroom dancing, rural booze (tuba), and stuff they make you eat on Fear Factor.

Of course, like with any other reunions, there were the relatives that you know, the relatives you forgot you know, and the relatives that you didn't know you had. Any which way, this is one of those times that I could just let go and act all crazy because these people have no choice but to love you anyway since you're bound by blood. That meant me hogging the microphone and singing till they begin to question the validity of our blood borne relations. 'Twas fun! It also made me think I'm really getting older because I'm beginning to treasure events like these. Refreshing. Too bad I'm too old to be asking for "pamasko" already!

Happy birthday Lola!

*****************************************************

Just when you thought you are already old enough for all that high school crap, things like this get into the picture...

"who could resist something as cute as me??"

say hello to Pookie Monster (the name sounds kinda harsh, but that's the name e. :D). A no-reason-at-all gift that gave me reason to doubt my reasons.

In conclusion: yesterday was a happy, happy, happy day. (YOU know why!) :D

Stop thinking and just drive...

And so it is...

2008.

I remember a few years back... No, make that waaay back into my childhood. My sugar laden hyperactive mind was then working on overdrive. I remember of how I had this pretty picture of how it would be like beyond the year 2000.

... flying cars
... weird outfits
... weird buildings
... weird gadgets (think Teleporting)
... weird food (think steak on a tablet)

that picture into the future made me so scared it kinda gives me the creeps everytime another year draws by (that thought and the freaked out Nostradamus dude). It made me imagine the end of the world and Revelation coming true. I would begin to weep for my unborn children and grandchildren and great grandchildren who wouldn't be able to relish San Mig Light and red wine. I would think of how I can save the world, probably design an underground silo lest another meteor strikes again. I would begin to pray that God would only take away those who kill people and steal cellphones. I would.... haaaaay.... Too much thinking gives you ideas that would later on be ghosts that will haunt you every single night.


goosebumps.


Fast forward to January 2008. Everything I pictured then became just like they were... a part of my imagination. True that everything became weird like them outfits and diet pills, but hey, my car still has wheels and isn't flying! And I still don't hear the thundering voice of God saying it's judgment day. Still, I get that icky feeling I always do when a new year starts, not because I am turning out to be a psycho (which I think I am already), but because the unknown year that lies ahead scares me.


The future scares me.


26 years into this fucking life and now I have the right to deal with it with my own hands. What does this year hold for me? The only thing I am certain about is that come September, 26 won't be 26 anymore but 27. Even with that I am way too late already. I am no longer qualified for an official "quarter life crisis" just in time when I want one!

I remember driving through SLEX the other day when John Mayer's "Why Georgia" came through my mp3 player. Those lines hit me like some cheap firecracker on New Year's eve.

"I am tempted to keep the car in drive
And leave this shit behind

Cause I wonder sometimes
About the outcome
Of a still verdictless life

Am I living it right? "



HOOOOONNNNNKKKKK!



...that was the bus behind me that made me jump back to consciousness after being whacked in the head by those lines. All of a sudden, it hit me that I am no longer a kid. The year that went by was good to me. So good in fact that I am now being plunged into a whole new world of new beginnings and endless possibilities. Still, the possibilities scare me. It is also taking me out of my comfort zone. Nevertheless, it also dawned upon me that people who get what they want do have to come out of their comfort zones every once in a while, so maybe it's now time I get out of mine and explore all those what if's before they become what-might-have-beens. It can be so shitty scary, but what if it's worth the ride?


2008.

my life.

am I living it right?


The fact that things are looking up and I am now smiling must mean I am doing something right. Thinking of it that way amps my courage level a few notches. Think. This coming year will be just as fine.



get ready 2008. It's show time!





ps

I am into the writing thing again, so I guess yes, I am over and done with the horrible past and trying to do something positive.